i m confused...!

i think i am regretting my decision now.. or sort of.. bcos i realli dont know why i feel this way.. one thing i know for sure.. I cant stand girls hovering around him like bees.. especially when he dont have self control, acting like the honey.. sometimes i really wonder why cant he just brush all of them away wif a simple no.. why does he have to make things so complicated.. misleading ppl n all.. all these mayb are just part and parcel when u go out dating... but a definitely no-no when u have a girlfren.. and whenever i bring these issues up against, he always just have nth to say.. keeping silent.. i wish he would defend for himself.. but sadly no, his silence meant i was speaking the truth..

so much of all the promises he gave... n yet i stil have a feeling he wont be able to fulfill them bcos he just cant be firm on such issues.. i dont think i can live with a guy like that.. today i poured everything out to carol.. abt vday.. abt everything.. she said there will always be a second time he cheats.. n since its already the second time, why am i stil putting up wif him? bcos i love him? or bcos i just used to him.. i dont know anymore.. everyone kept asking.. where did he bring u to... what did he get for u...
how the fuck am i supposed to say... nothing? n that would totally embarrass him.. but thats the truth isnt it.. i seriously dont mind.. but nth planned for e day? its the same scenario as my birthday.. he used to put in a real deal of effort in his ex-gf.. but on mi.. most of the celebration are zero.. i think i sound like a petty little girl.. but whu cares.. i think for once i ought to be treated more like a girl..

I hinted to him wat i felt abt our r/s.. just a simple msg.. do u think we can stil be frens if we go our separate ways.. i dont know.. of cos i hope things betw us will improve.. but if its not gonna.. then.. its the end..